The Catastrophic Sweater Meltdown, 2012

You know how sometimes, the smallest thing can set you off on a tirade of self pity unlike any the world has ever seen? Well, that happened to me last night. Over a sweater.

See, the things I didn’t know were how the washers here worked and that the sweater was wool. The sweater could now possibly fit a small child, but certainly not a curvy woman like myself. Of course, it’s only a sweater, right? Well according to my meltdown, no.

First I laughed. I mean, it was kind of funny, right? But then, suddenly, I was sobbing hysterically. And while sobbing hysterically, I thought “Wouldn’t it be nice if someone was here to give me a hug?” and then I naturally began to cry even harder. Because I was thinking about all the things that were going to go wrong in the future and how, because I am never going to find love, I would have to face them all FOREVER ALONE. Never mind, you know, friends and family and cats. None of these things exist in disaster mode brain. It was just me, a trail of shrunken sweaters, and sadness. My entire life was going to be an utter failure, all because of this one moment.

Happily enough, my friends and family DO exist and were there to make me feel better. My best friend Erin assured me that I could ruin a hundred sweaters and still be too good for most guys’ hugs. Gina and Lesley made me laugh, which is always about a thousand times better than crying. And then I skyped my mother because for the first time I was actually just a little bit homesick. I know. I live in a castle. But it was at that moment a castle that had taken my sweater from me. My sweater that my mom had bought me for Christmas.

Like all things, it’s better in the morning. I mean me, not the sweater. That would be a miracle, and if there’s a God I’m pretty sure he’s got better things to do than repair my sweater.

On the bright side, I’m up, I’m showered, and I am ready to hop in a shuttle, then on a train, then on a plane, and then I’ll be setting foot in Dublin, Ireland. Because, sweater or no, I am in England and it’s gonna be totally awesome!

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4 thoughts on “The Catastrophic Sweater Meltdown, 2012

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